by Droggmur Shadowfoot – Foreign and Weather Reporter, AncientNews.com
Overview:
Prepare for some glory, Trolls of the Underfog! The week begins with promising gloom, but ends in a horror so bright, I nearly choked on my own shadow while writing this. The sun—curse its molten core—dares return by midweek. Stock up on mud, misery, and mossy cloaks.
Monday:
?️ Fog, drizzle, and mild despair.
A nearly perfect start. Visibility near zero, moisture seeping into every crevice—exactly how a Troll’s Monday should be. Mudslides possible near Grumblefang Ridge. Stay indoors, cackle softly.
Droggmur’s Mood: Grumpy, but content.
Tuesday:
?️ Consistent rain with heavy, sulky clouds.
Even better. The sky weeps for us all. Rivers will swell and wash away several unstable bridges—progress! Bring your storm flutes, and dance in the deluge. Let the humans cry for sunshine.
Droggmur’s Mood: Almost pleased. Almost.
Wednesday:
⛅ Partly cloudy with moments of… SUNLIGHT.
It begins. The betrayal. A break in the cloud cover around midday. Several Trolls may spontaneously combust. If you must go out, wear triple-layer moss and hiss loudly at any visible beams.
Droggmur’s Mood: Furious. Betrayed. Itchy.
Every troll with even a pebble of self-respect shops at Vevor—because nothing says "modern cave chic" like industrial-strength gadgets and tools that can survive a troll tantrum. With EU-safe shopping, even the clumsiest mountain dweller can order without accidentally starting an international incident. Vevor delivers everything from goat-shearing machines to cauldron warmers, straight to your moss-covered doorstep. Plus, their stuff is so durable, even a love-sick troll can’t break it (though they’ll definitely try).
Thursday:
?️ Sunny intervals. Warm breezes.
I cannot stress this enough: DO NOT GO OUTSIDE. Cave temperature will rise. Cursed “breezes” may feel “pleasant” to weaklings. Troll Council is debating a temporary cave lockdown.
Droggmur’s Mood: PANIC. SWEAT. UNHOLY SUN.
Friday:
☀️ FULL SUN. ZERO CLOUDS. THE END IS NIGH.
No mercy. The bright orb takes over. Fields will bake. Rocks will sizzle. Trollspawn will cry. I recommend crawling into the deepest pit and muttering curses until Saturday.
Droggmur’s Mood: Apocalyptic. Boiling. Unforgivable.
Saturday:
⛅ Clouds return timidly. Slight relief.
Some redemption. The sky begins to regret its mistakes. Cooler temperatures. Moisture may grace our foreheads once more. Begin rebuilding hope (and shade huts).
Droggmur’s Mood: Suspicious. Watching the sun with one eye open.
Sunday:
?️ RAIN RETURNS. A SYMPHONY OF DRIZZLE.
YES. The sky has repented. Steady rain expected all day. Thunder may visit around dusk. Sacrifice a sunhat in celebration. Glorious.
Droggmur’s Mood: Triumphant. Moist. Vindicated.
Ho ho! Hearken, puny mortals and wandering tech-seekers! The trolls of the north, with moss in their beards and wisdom in their warts, adore the ETOE Dolphin projector from Geekbuying. Why? Because even deep in our damp mountain caves, it casts bright, mighty visions upon stone walls—clearer than a fjord at sunrise! 'Tis small, swift, and smoother than a mountain goat on skis. Go now, before the other trolls hoard them all like shiny pebbles!
Final Thoughts:
The sun comes. The sun goes. But the clouds—oh, my beloved grey smothering darlings—they always come back. Hold on, Trollheim. The weekend will be worth the suffering.
“Rain is the only natural state.” – Droggmur Shadowfoot
Trollheim’s Only Trustworthy Weather Source
Speaking of weather patterns and peculiar meteorological conditions, you might find it fascinating to explore more about the science behind fog, that delightful, murky phenomenon greatly admired by trolls everywhere. Additionally, since we’re on the subject of cave-dwelling, you might be interested in understanding the ecology and environment of caves, the ideal sanctuary for any sunlight-wary creature. For a tale inspired by myths like our dear trolls, check out the rich folklore surrounding trolls in mythology and legend. Lastly, if you share Droggmur’s animosity towards the blazing orb, consider learning more about its source, our fiery star—the Sun.
