Deep in the misty fjords of Norway, where the mountains grumble and the rivers sigh, there exists an economy unlike any other. Trolls, as we all know, have a… unique way of thinking. So, when trolls start businesses, the results are—well, let’s just say the human world isn’t ready for them.
Here are TEN of the strangest, most mind-boggling troll-run businesses currently operating in the Troll Kingdom.
1. Slogg’s Used Goat EmporiumRun by the ever-entrepreneurial Slogg the Goat Hoarder, this fine establishment sells “gently used” goats. But be warned—these goats are often stolen from farmers, and they may or may not still be very angry about it. Each goat comes with a “No Refunds” policy and a free handful of moss to calm it down.
2. Bjarg’s Premium Bridge-Sitting ServiceEver wanted a troll to sit on your bridge for you? No? Well, too bad, because Bjarg offers the service anyway. If you’re a lazy troll who doesn’t want to do the hard work of glaring at passing travelers or demanding tolls, Bjarg will handle it for you—for a price. (Fee includes optional grumbling and occasional boulder-throwing at pesky humans.)
3. The Rock ‘n’ Roll CaféNo, this isn’t a music joint. It’s literally a restaurant that serves only rocks. Founded by the slightly unhinged chef, Gruk the Toothless, the café boasts an exquisite menu of “chewy limestone,” “crispy granite,” and the highly controversial “lava rock stew.” Regulars claim the food is “delicious” and “crunchy”—though it remains unclear if they actually taste anything at all.
4. Snorg’s Invisible Clothing StoreSnorg the Visionary (who, by the way, is completely blind) swears that his clothing store sells “only the finest, most fashionable invisible garments.” Of course, skeptics argue that he is, in fact, selling nothing at all—but Snorg insists that only “truly stylish trolls” can see his work. Sales remain steady, mostly because no troll wants to admit they don’t see the clothes.
5. The Screaming Boulder CompanyTrolls love throwing boulders. But why throw a boring old silent rock when you can throw one that screams in terror as it flies through the air? Thanks to an ancient (and probably illegal) magic spell, every boulder from this shop lets out a bloodcurdling shriek when launched. Guaranteed to startle your enemies—or at least confuse them.
6. Ragnok’s Reverse Construction ServiceNeed a house deconstructed? A bridge turned back into a pile of rubble? Ragnok the Demolisher has you covered! Unlike human construction companies, Ragnok’s business specializes in taking things apart—whether you ask him to or not. He once made a fortune after dismantling an entire human village without permission and selling the rubble back to its original owners.
7. Grundle’s Used Spell MarketNeed a curse? Want to enchant a boulder? Looking for a magic spell that only works on Thursdays? Grundle the Forgetful Witch-Troll offers a variety of spells—though she often forgets what they do. Some customers have reported unwanted side effects, such as growing an extra nose or suddenly being able to speak fluent goat. But hey, magic isn’t an exact science.
8. Gork’s Mystery Meat ButcheryYou want to ask what kind of meat Gork sells? Don’t. You don’t want to know. Gork refuses to disclose his supply chain, but let’s just say there have been suspicious disappearances in the troll community, and a few humans have gone missing, too. The store slogan—“If It Moves, We Serve”—doesn’t exactly inspire confidence.
9. The Eternal Echo Cave RentalEver wanted to hear your own voice forever? No? Well, too bad, because Blort the Echo Keeper rents out caves where every word you say gets repeated for eternity. It’s a great place for trolls who love to hear themselves talk—but an absolute nightmare for anyone else.
10. The Mud Subscription BoxYes, that’s right. For only ten gold nuggets per month, trolls can receive a hand-selected, exclusive box of mud delivered straight to their cave. Each batch is lovingly scooped from the finest bogs, swamps, and puddles of the realm. Subscribers rave about its rich texture, earthy aroma, and excellent stickiness. Truly, a luxury experience.
—So there you have it—ten of the most ridiculous, bizarre, and shockingly successful businesses in the Troll Kingdom. While humans may struggle to understand troll economics, one thing is clear: as long as there are gullible (and slightly foolish) trolls, these businesses will continue thriving.
Which one would you invest in? Or better yet… which one are you terrified of?
Speaking of unique economic systems, you might be interested in checking out the fascinating dynamics of alternative currency on Wikipedia. This form of valuation is often seen in worlds and communities as peculiar as our Troll Kingdom’s. For the magic enthusiasts out there, you’d certainly enjoy delving into the mysteries of magic. Uncover its recorded practices and beliefs over centuries, and you may even discover how that shrieking boulder came about! Similarly, If you’re intrigued by Ragnok’s reverse construction service, you might find a thorough understanding of demolition worth a read. Lastly, for lovers of the natural world, the wetland habitats that give us the troll’s favorite mud might tickle your fancy. Be sure to explore these links and immerse yourself further into the oddities of the Troll Kingdom.
