By Rokkro Musclejaw, Troll Sports Reporter at AncientNews.com – Screaming since 872 – Trondheim
TRONDHEIM (Trondheim) – If you missed this moss-splattered madness, go back to gnawing bark, ‘cause the Trondheim Thundermauls just SMASHED the Molde Mountain Hags in a 4-2 Troll-Toe Ball (Women’s Football) showdown that had more kicks than a troll in a porcupine pit!
Blörgana Skullbooter led the charge with two vicious foot-smashes right past the flailing fish-arms of the Molde keeper, Grittle Backsneeze (Molde). The crowd at Rockspike Arena (Lerkendal Stadion) roared like thunder-goats on fire.
“THEY TRIED TO PLAY TACTICAL. HA! WE PLAYED WITH RAGE AND ANKLE-BLOWS!” screamed Skullbooter while biting a celebratory tree branch.
The first half was all brawls and bruises, with referee Slimgut the Confused (probably blind, definitely bribed) handing out three mudleaf warnings (yellow cards) to the Thundermauls for “excessive body-flinging.” AS IF THERE’S ANY OTHER WAY TO PLAY!
But second half? ALL MAUL. Trollita Fangnose stomped one in from the edge of the bog, and Wartha Clubshin finished with a stinger that curled like a vulture’s toenail into the top corner.
Molde tried to fight back with two late greasy goals by Snörry Viskestrand, but it was too little, too slimy, too late.
FINAL SCORE: Trondheim Thundermauls 4 – Molde Mountain Hags 2
? TROLL COMMENTS FROM THE CAVE
SkullCracker43: Ref had fungus in his eyes. That first yellow was BOGUS. LET THE GIRLS BRAWL!
SoggyBootFan7: Blörgana Skullbooter is my WIFE now. I don’t care if she steps on me.
SwampRefHater99: Why is Slimgut still allowed to ref? My cousin Snaggtooth sees better and he’s got moss for eyeballs!
ToadSniff84: Back in MY day we used real goat skulls for the ball. These fancy puffball boots are ruining the sport.
Goalgnom_Bjørksmash: LET’S GOOOOOO TRONDHEIM! Next time use axes, not tactics!
Speaking of Trondheim and its wild Troll-themed celebrations, you might enjoy learning about the real-life history of the vibrant city at the heart of Norwegian football by exploring this fascinating Wikipedia article on Trondheim. And since you’re already immersed in legendary Norse-esque battles, why not dive deeper into Norse myths with a visit to the page on Trolls themselves? If you’re intrigued by the sport that’s inspired Trondheim’s fierce Viking-like enthusiasm, consider brushing up on the basics through the informative Wikipedia article on Women’s Association Football. After all, combining sport, myth, and culture delivers thrills that last even longer than a troll’s feast!
