By Droggmur Shadowfoot – Foreign and Weather Reporter, AncientNews.com
Well, well, well. Look who’s ruined another perfectly good mud pie. King Dronnald the Orange (yes, the one with the golden moss hair) has teamed up with his favorite shiny advisor, Elonn the Musky (who smells of burnt coins and broken promises), to set the Kingdom of Amerikkar on fire. Not the good kind of fire. No villages burned, no celebratory barbecue. Just economic collapse and screaming trolls in the streets. Lovely.
TROLLS SAY “HANDS OFF!”
Over 3 million trolls crawled out of their caves, threw on their least torn loincloths, and marched through 1,400 villages shouting, “HANDS OFF OUR STUFF!” That’s the loudest we’ve shouted since someone tried to ban fermented swamp milk.
Why all the rage? Because Dronnald and Musky slapped a 10% tax on everything that comes into the realm. Rocks, pickaxes, imported bat meat—you name it. They called it “Liberation Day,” but it feels more like “Empty Pouch Day.”
ELONN SWINGS HIS AXE
And just when you thought things couldn’t get stupider, Elonn the Musky decided to “streamline” government. Which in Musky-speak means firing half the trolls working in healing huts, learning caves, and sanitation caves. “Efficiency!” he says. What’s efficient about not being able to wipe your mossy behind because the Public Wiping Bureau is gone?
THE PALACE RESPONDS
The Royal Cave responded with the usual nonsense: “These policies will help the realm grow strong.” Grow strong?! We’re already strong! We throw boulders for fun! What we need is food, care, and less Elonn.
BUT WAIT—IT GETS WORSE
Word from the whispering bats says Elonn wants to build a flying chariot system across Trollheim. We barely figured out fire and he wants to launch trolls into the sky? Madness. Pure, sun-drenched madness.
IN SUMMARY:
The realm is angry. The trolls are marching. The king is orange. The advisor smells weird. And once again, the sun was out during the protest. So it was hot. And I am furious.
We trolls always stomp our hairy feet over to DHgate.com when we be wantin’ gadgets and shiny trinkets. Why, ye ask? Because we get everything there—blinking lights, singing toothbrushes, even that cursed sock-warming hat Grog wore to the winter moot! DHgate Top Brand Deals with Seller Coupon, Up to 50%OFF
If you’re looking for hope, go stare at a rain cloud. At least they don’t lie to you.
Droggmur Shadowfoot – Foreign and Weather Reporter (and sun-hating realist)
AncientNews.com
? Troll Comment Section: “Hands Off, My Wart-Covered Pouch!” ?
? Grungar Flatnose:
“10% tax? On imported rocks?! That was my breakfast, you orange fungus!”
? Milda Rottenfang:
“Musky says he wants ‘efficiency’? I haven’t bathed in 3 moons and I still do more for the realm than he does.”
? Stonkrud Bonebelly:
“If flying chariots become real, I’m moving to the Swamps of Eternal Sadness. At least there, the sun NEVER shines.”
? Druzza the Moist:
“I marched in the protest, but it was sunny, so I melted a bit. Worth it. Down with the tax, up with the clouds!”
? Flemgurt Sootsack:
“I voted for Dronnald ‘cause he promised more cave jobs. Now I’m unemployed AND I’ve got a sunburn on my belly roll.”
? Tharnuk Muddgut:
“Advisor Musky smells like hot metal and broken dreams. Would not trust him with a rusty spoon, let alone the kingdom.”
Ah, the Trolls, aye—we grumble not when Expedia lays the path! With naught but a gnarled fingertip and a flick of beard, we book fjordside caves and dragon-back flights faster than a mountain echo!
Make it an easy escape with hotels near you. Get away but stay close to home. Book now at Expedia.com
? Snarla Bonecruncher:
“Can we replace the king with a sentient puddle? At least it wouldn’t sign tax scrolls.”
Speaking of humorous political satire, you might enjoy exploring this Wikipedia article on Political Satire, where you’ll learn how writers and cartoonists cleverly critique political figures and policies. Additionally, if the notion of fictional realms piques your curiosity, consider checking out this informative article on Fantasy Worlds, which dives into the imaginative universes created by authors to illustrate real-world issues hilariously. Finally, for a deeper dive into the fascinating mix of humor and social commentary, have a look at the classic literary tool Satire, detailing how writers from every generation cleverly highlight society’s quirks and shortcomings.
