The Troll Expedition Begins
Deep in the fjords of Norway, a council of trolls gathered under the largest moss-covered rock they could find. The topic? A grand adventure to Germany! More specifically, they had heard rumors of a human-built rock structure so enormous, so absurdly tall, that it could rival even the most impressive troll caves. This legendary place was called Kölnerdomen—or, as the trolls immediately renamed it, “The Big Fancy Human Boulder Pile.”
After much debate (mostly about whether they should pack extra moss sandwiches), a group of trolls set off for Cologne, Germany, determined to inspect this so-called “cathedral.”
First Impressions – “Too Many Windows!”
The trolls arrived in Cologne at midnight, their preferred hour for tourism. As they lumbered through the streets, scaring only a few night-shift workers, they finally reached Kölnerdomen.
They stared.
And stared.
And stared some more.
“Well, that’s just ridiculous,” muttered Old Brukkar, scratching his lichen-covered chin.
“It’s so… pointy!” gasped Griselda the Goat Thief. “Why so many sharp bits? Does it scare away birds? Or attract lightning?”
“It looks like a human was stacking rocks, got dizzy, and just kept going!” snorted Bork the Boulder Enthusiast.
The trolls were confused. Why did humans build something so big without making it livable? Where were the cozy, damp cave tunnels? The ceilings were way too high, and there were far too many windows! What self-respecting troll would allow so much sunlight into their home? Outrageous!
Inspecting the Interior – “Where’s the Goat Storage?”
Determined to understand human logic (a nearly impossible task for trolls), they squeezed their enormous, mossy bodies through the entrance. The inside was even more baffling.
“Fancy floor,” noted Brukkar, stomping around. “Too clean. Not a single patch of mud. Suspicious.”
“Where are the rock piles to sit on?” asked Griselda. “Humans must hate comfort.”
Then they spotted the enormous stained-glass windows. The light shining through them cast colorful beams across the stone floor. The trolls panicked.
“MAGIC!” Bork roared, diving behind a column. “The walls are leaking rainbow light!”
Griselda poked one of the windows and sighed in relief. “Not magic. Just tiny colored rocks glued together. Fancy, but useless. No good for blocking wind.”
They searched for the most important part of any home—a goat storage area. Trolls believe a proper dwelling must include at least one good goat pen, preferably within arm’s reach for snacking convenience. But Kölnerdomen had no goats. None. Zero.
“I don’t understand humans,” Brukkar mumbled, utterly disappointed.
The Bell Tower Climb – “Shaking the Whole City”
Then they discovered the bell tower.
“Ah-ha! A proper rock challenge!” Bork grinned, cracking his knuckles. Trolls love climbing things—mostly to push them over—but this time, they decided to see who could reach the top first. Troll logic dictates that the highest troll gets first rights to claim the structure as ‘officially troll-approved.’
The race was on. The whole city of Cologne trembled. Stone steps cracked under their weight, pigeons panicked, and security alarms went off. But the trolls were having the time of their lives. Until the bells rang.
The mighty, earth-shaking sound of the Kölnerdomen bells rang through the air, nearly causing the trolls to lose their footing.
“WHO PUT A GIANT METAL GOAT-BELL UP HERE?!” shouted Griselda, clutching her ears. “ARE THEY CALLING FOR A MEGA-GOAT?”
Brukkar, now half-deaf, decided he’d had enough. “That’s it. This place is cursed. Time to go.”
The Troll Verdict – “Impressive, But Unlivable”
Back on the ground, the trolls held a serious discussion.
“Humans build crazy rock things. Respect,” said Bork.
“Yes, but too many windows. And no goats,” Griselda pointed out.
“And those metal bells? Too loud. Would scare away perfectly good bats,” Brukkar added.
After much debate, they reached a conclusion: Kölnerdomen was very impressive, but completely useless as a proper troll home. However, they did admire the effort. To show their appreciation, they left behind a single moss-covered boulder as a “gift.” (Unfortunately, this boulder blocked an important entrance, leading to much human confusion the next morning.)
Satisfied with their grand adventure, the trolls stomped off into the night, promising to visit more human rock piles in the future.
Final Thoughts: The Legacy of Trolls in Germany
Legend has it that even today, if you visit Kölnerdomen on a misty night, you might hear the faint sound of troll laughter echoing through the towers. Some say the cathedral still shakes ever so slightly from their massive footsteps.
And as for the trolls? They’ve since moved on to new travels—rumors suggest they are now investigating another peculiar human structure: Neuschwanstein Castle. (Let’s hope they don’t try to eat it.)
Speaking of this adventurous journey that these trolls embarked upon, you might be interested in learning more about their destinations. Explore the architectural marvel, Cologne Cathedral (Kölnerdomen), which they dubbed as the ‘Big Fancy Human Boulder Pile’. If you are fascinated by the peculiarities of troll customs, like their odd obsession with goat pens, take a look at the Troll (mythology) page on Wikipedia. Lastly, to discover the next stop on their unique tour, visit the page for the fairy-tale-like Neuschwanstein Castle. You never know, they might be considering it as their dinner!
