It started, as most troll-related disasters do, with a terrible idea.
“Let’s go to Sweden and buy fancy things!” declared Grumle Stenhode, the self-proclaimed ‘trendiest’ troll in Norway. Now, ‘fancy things’ for trolls usually meant things like extra-large boulders, pre-chewed tree stumps, and goat-scented cologne. But Grumle had heard from a lost tourist that Sweden had a place called ‘Nordy Shoppingcenter,’ where humans went to buy all sorts of peculiar items. Naturally, this intrigued him and the rest of the trolls. And so, a group of twelve of Norway’s finest, stinkiest, and most fashionably moss-covered trolls set off across the border.
Act 1: The Entrance Catastrophe
Upon arrival, the automatic sliding doors at Nordy Shoppingcenter proved to be an immediate problem. As soon as the trolls approached, the doors slid open, startling old Gromle Skjegghår so badly that he swung his club at them. The doors shattered. Security was called. The trolls, confused but enthusiastic, interpreted the alarms as ‘Welcome Troll Customers’ bells and charged inside, roaring happily.
Act 2: Fashion Tragedy
The first stop was the clothing store. This was a mistake.
“Where are the rock-textured pants? The troll-sized capes made of tangled branches?” demanded Buldra SmÃ¥stein, flipping through racks of human clothing with growing horror.
Grumle, in an attempt to be fashionable, squeezed himself into a pair of ‘slim-fit jeans’—which immediately ripped apart with an ear-splitting RRRRIPPP! sound. The store clerks screamed. Gromle, thinking the jeans had attacked Grumle, tried to stomp them into submission. More alarms rang.
Act 3: The Food Court Fiasco
If the clothing store was a disaster, the food court was a full-blown apocalypse.
“What do you mean there’s no fermented goat? No pickled pinecones?” roared Buldra at a frightened cashier.
“Maybe they have rock soup?” suggested Gromle, shoving his head over the counter.
The trolls finally settled on ‘Swedish meatballs,’ which they found passable, though they were deeply disappointed that they weren’t actually made of Swedes. When they discovered the ‘All-You-Can-Eat’ buffet, things truly spiraled. The trolls took ‘All-You-Can-Eat’ as a personal challenge and began eating not just their plates, but also the tables, chairs, and one unfortunate customer’s shoe.
Act 4: Mythological Customer Mayhem
As if the troll-induced chaos wasn’t enough, Nordy Shoppingcenter was also hosting a very unfortunate ‘Mythical Creatures Shopping Day.’
A group of Finnish Näkki (water spirits) had flooded the perfume section, searching for the perfect ‘Damp Moss’ scent. A herd of lost Icelandic Elves had set up camp in the furniture showroom, refusing to leave because the tiny chairs were ‘just their size.’ And worst of all, a Swedish Tomte (a small, grumpy gnome) had gotten into an argument with Gromle over who had the right to the last pair of ‘Extra-Warm Winter Socks.’ The Tomte won.
Barely.
Act 5: The Great Escape
By the time security finally intervened, the trolls had managed to:
- Break five mirrors by assuming their own reflections were ‘rude strangers.’
- Steal an entire rack of ‘cinnamon-scented’ candles, mistaking them for some sort of snack.
- Cause a minor panic by mistaking an escalator for a ‘hungry metal snake.’
- Sit down in the furniture store and refuse to leave because ‘the chairs are so soft, like moss but less damp.’
Eventually, Swedish authorities had no choice but to lure the trolls out using a truckload of old, moldy Swedish cheese (which smelled just terrible enough to be irresistible). The trolls followed the cheese trail all the way back to Norway, where they declared their shopping trip ‘mostly successful’ and immediately began arguing over who got to keep the cinnamon candles.
Nordy Shoppingcenter, however, declared an official ‘No Trolls Allowed’ policy the very next day.
And that, dear readers, is why trolls are no longer allowed to shop in Sweden.
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Speaking of trolls, you might be intrigued by the rich mythology surrounding these beings. Here you can delve deeper into Trolls in Scandinavian folklore. Given their unusual diet mentioned in our tale, how about checking out traditional Swedish cuisine, although most might not consider rock soup! Lastly, for those curious about shopping center escapades, Shopping Centres in Sweden could offer some insights. Just remember to stick to the ‘humans only’ establishments!
