Troll Security Council Adopts Useless Resolution After Hours of Grumbling
Deep within the misty fjords of Norway, the Troll Security Council (TSC) convened in their ancient, moss-covered cavern to address a matter of great importance: the ongoing Rock Dispute between the Mountain Trolls and the Fjord Trolls. After hours of grumbling, boulder-throwing, and several snack breaks involving pickled goat, the council triumphantly passed a resolution that nobody will follow.
The resolution, spearheaded by the Bridge Troll delegation, declares that all rocks are to remain where they currently sit, effective immediately. However, this was met with instant defiance from the Mountain Trolls, who believe all rocks belong to the mountains, and the Fjord Trolls, who claim all boulders naturally roll downhill into their territory. The resolution passed only after being rewritten seventeen times, primarily to remove all direct references to who actually has to move their rocks.
“This is a historic day for troll diplomacy,” grunted Olav the Unmoved, the lead representative of the Boulder-Sitters’ Coalition. “We have written something on a stone tablet. That’s as good as solving the problem, right?”
Troll Politics at Work (Sort Of)
The debate started with the Mountain Troll leader, Grimli Boulderchin, declaring that he had a “historical right” to all the best rocks because his ancestors sat on them first. The Fjord Trolls, led by Helga the Damp, countered by stating that gravity has already voted in their favor, rolling boulders into their waters for centuries.
In an effort to remain neutral, the Swamp Trolls spent most of the meeting picking moss out of their teeth and grunting noncommittally. Meanwhile, the Bridge Trolls, as usual, attempted to tax everyone just for attending the meeting. Their leader, Borg the Tollkeeper, suggested that anyone who wanted to move a rock should first pay a fee. This proposal was met with flying clumps of mud and a resounding “NO.”
The Troll Compromise: A Masterpiece of Uselessness
After a night of heated argument and at least one minor cave collapse, the TSC finally cobbled together a resolution that pleased no one but managed to avoid an outright war. The final agreement states:
- No boulder shall be moved without proper troll approval.
- The definition of “proper troll approval” shall be decided at the next meeting (whenever that is).
- Trolls are strongly encouraged to stop throwing boulders at each other, but if they must, they should do it “gently.”
- Any troll found stealing another troll’s rock must provide a replacement rock of equal or greater size.
- Bridge Trolls are officially banned from trying to charge a tax on natural geological formations.
In a surprising turn of events, the moment the resolution passed, Grimli Boulderchin was seen immediately pushing a boulder down the mountainside, claiming that the new rules didn’t apply until “next moonrise.” Helga the Damp was last seen swimming toward the boulder, shouting something about “finders keepers.”
The Aftermath: Unchanged but Well Documented
Despite the impressive stone tablet carved to mark the occasion, few expect the resolution to have any real effect. “Troll politics work on a different timeline,” explained Ulf the Wise, an elder troll who has seen many such meetings come and go. “This resolution will likely be forgotten in a few weeks, or at least until another troll gets hit on the head with a rolling boulder and complains about it.”
Meanwhile, the Bridge Trolls, frustrated that they were unable to impose a new toll, have announced that they will be forming their own sub-council to discuss new ways to make other trolls pay for things they don’t need.
As for the Mountain Trolls and Fjord Trolls? Well, let’s just say that the next meeting might need an even bigger cave… and possibly a referee.
Speaking of these fascinating creatures, you might be interested in delving deeper into their lore with the article on Trolls from Wikipedia. If you’re intrigued by the rugged terrain they inhabit, the Fjords of Norway page will provide you with a stunning visual and geographical understanding. Curious about the bickering dynamics in the story? Perhaps a quick look at the concept of Conflict Resolution might shed some light. Finally, the mention of ‘toll’ might lead you to explore the interesting history of Toll Roads. Dive in and enjoy this twist filled journey into the world of trolls!
