Deep in the fjords of Norway, under collapsing bridges and behind suspiciously goat-free farms, the trolls have one of the most chaotic political systems in history. While human politics involve parties that argue over taxes, laws, and the meaning of life, troll politics mostly revolve around who is the grumpiest, who gets to sit on the best rock, and how many goats should be legally stealable per day.

The Main Troll Political Parties

In the grand troll capital of Stortrollheim, there are several major political parties, each with a very strong opinion on doing absolutely nothing.

1. The Grumpy Troll Party (GTP)

Slogan: “Things Are Bad. Let’s Keep It That Way.”

This is the oldest and most powerful party, mostly because their members are so stubborn they refuse to retire, die, or move. Their core beliefs include:

• No changes. Ever.
• Bridges should remain half-broken to keep humans on their toes.
• The government should provide every troll with a free boulder to sit on.
• Mandatory morning grumbling sessions (before the first goat theft of the day).

They have been in power for 700 years simply because no other party has managed to push them out of their caves.

2. The Very Grumpy Troll Party (VGTP)

Slogan: “The Grumpy Troll Party is Not Grumpy Enough.”

This is an extreme opposition party formed by trolls who believe the Grumpy Troll Party is too soft. Their policies include:

• Complete bridge destruction (no more toll collection—just pure chaos).
• Goat Stealing Nationalization (all stolen goats must be shared equally among trolls).
• Mandatory napping laws (all trolls must sleep at least 22 hours per day).

The problem with this party is that their leaders keep falling asleep in the middle of meetings, so nothing ever gets done.

3. The Hungry Troll Party (HTP)

Slogan: “What If We Ate the Humans Instead?”

The HTP is made up of the hungriest trolls, who argue that troll society has become too soft by merely scaring humans instead of eating them. Their main goals are:

• Legalizing human-eating (starting with politicians they don’t like).
• Declaring goats an endangered species (so humans can’t have them anymore).
• Replacing all bridges with giant traps that drop humans into troll caves.

This party is feared by humans, goats, and also other trolls, because they have a habit of eating their own campaign posters.

4. The Lazy Troll Party (LTP)

Slogan: “Eh… Maybe Later.”

This party was formed accidentally when a group of trolls fell asleep during a meeting and were mistakenly declared a political organization. Their core policies include:

• Absolutely no rules or laws.
• Bridges should fix themselves.
• Elections should be postponed until everyone feels like voting.

They have a surprisingly large following, mostly because they never actually bother to enforce anything, meaning their supporters can just continue doing whatever they want.

5. The Stinky Troll Party (STP)

Slogan: “Bathing is an Attack on Our Heritage.”

This party believes in keeping trolls as smelly and unpleasant as possible to maintain the rich cultural tradition of repelling humans. Their policies include:

• A ban on soap and water.
• Encouraging all trolls to roll in mud at least once a day.
• Declaring troll stink an official “natural defense mechanism” against intruders.

This party is easy to recognize because you can smell them from a mile away.

The Annual Troll Political Debate

Every 100 years, all the troll parties gather under the Biggest Bridge in Norway for a political debate. Instead of discussing policies like humans, trolls settle things with a mix of yelling, rock-throwing, and competitive sitting.

The most recent debate unfolded like this:

• The Grumpy Troll Party started by yelling, “We refuse to do anything!” and then sat down.
• The Very Grumpy Troll Party countered by yelling, “WE REFUSE TO DO EVEN MORE NOTHING!” and then fell asleep.
• The Hungry Troll Party tried to eat the moderator.
• The Lazy Troll Party forgot to show up.
• The Stinky Troll Party was banned from the debate after melting part of the stage with their collective odor.

In the end, the event was declared a success, mostly because a large boulder collapsed on the stage, and everyone agreed that meant the debate was over.

The Election Results (or Lack Thereof)

Trolls do not use ballots or votes (too complicated). Instead, they sit on rocks, grunt loudly, and refuse to move until someone is declared the winner.

After three months of sitting, the election was finally declared a tie, meaning all the parties agreed to do nothing together for the next 100 years.

And so, once again, troll politics had achieved exactly what it was designed for: absolutely nothing at all.

Speaking of the chaotic political systems, you might be interested in exploring the fascinating world of real life political science by visiting the Political Science Wikipedia page. If you are wondering how human politics works in comparison to our troll friends, check out the Politics Wikipedia article. Furthermore, the intricate role of political parties can be understood more at Political Party Wikipedia page. Finally, if you are mystified by the trolls’ unusual law on legally stealable goats per day, why not delve into the concept of Law from the human world? Lastly, Norway’s breathtaking fjords, the home of our grumpy troll politicians, beckon you for a virtual tour at the Fjord Wikipedia page.