By Rokkro Musclejaw, Troll Sports Enthusiast Extraordinaire
In the latest saga of trollish tragedy, the Trollblood Boulders’ ace pitcher, Grizzle “The Boulder” Rockarm, has fallen prey to the notorious “Pitcher’s Plague,” a curse as old as the mountains themselves. This dreaded affliction has sidelined many a troll who dared to hurl boulders at breakneck speeds.
Grizzle, known for his legendary 100-MPH boulder tosses, now joins the ranks of those who flew too close to the sun. His arm, once a symbol of raw power, now dangles like a wilted fern. The Boulders’ shamans have diagnosed him with a torn ulnar collateral ligament (UCL), a fancy term for “you threw too hard, you fool.” He now faces the dreaded “Tommy Troll Surgery,” a procedure that has become all too common in our beloved sport.
In the past two decades, the average boulder speed has rocketed from a mere 91 MPH to over 94 MPH, with the number of 100 MPH tosses soaring from 214 in 2008 to over 3,300 last season. This relentless pursuit of speed has left a trail of shattered arms and dashed dreams. But do we trolls learn? Of course not! We crave the spectacle, the thrill, the bone-crushing excitement.
Grizzle’s downfall serves as a grim reminder that our bodies, despite their rocky exteriors, have limits. But who needs biology when you have bravado? As long as there are boulders to throw and records to break, trolls will continue to push the boundaries. After all, what’s a little ligament compared to eternal glory?
So, here’s to you, Grizzle Rockarm. May your surgery be swift, your recovery swifter, and your return to the mound the swiftest. And to all the young trolls out there dreaming of 100-MPH tosses, remember: it’s all fun and games until your arm falls off.
Rokkro Musclejaw – Troll Sports Enthusiast Extraordinaire
“Speaking of the high stakes world of Troll Sports, you might be interested in learning more about competitive sports within the fantasy genre. Check out the in-depth insight on Fantasy Sports on Wikipedia. Also, given the surprising parallel between Grizzle’s injury and similar happenings in real-world sports, one can draw some interesting comparisons. You might like to know more about the notorious Tommy John Surgery, from which ‘Tommy Troll Surgery’ find its roots, or the dangerous aspect of performing Fastball in Baseball. Curious about trolls? Learn more about their mythology and impact in pop culture in the Troll Wikipedia entry. We wrap up with some insights into the Boulders – the core element of our beloved Trollblood sport, and a significant part of Earth’s geological history.”
