Åååålesøøøøø, Troll Coast – What began as a perfectly dreary, windswept funeral for the late Fish-Hag Gronketta the Third was rudely interrupted by a blinding and unsolicited beam of sunlight that pierced the fog like a dagger to the dignity of the dead.
The mourners, clad in traditional kelp-shrouds and seawater-drenched veils, reportedly began hissing and scattering like mold from a flame as the rogue ray illuminated the casket. One elder troll described the moment as “an unholy spotlight from the gods of joy,” adding, “We were here to cry, not squint.”
Several seagulls fled the scene immediately—rare, considering their usual enthusiasm for defiling solemn occasions. The casket itself began to steam ominously in the sunlight, prompting panicked chants and an emergency summoning of the town’s Chief Cloud-Caller, Wretcha Gloomnibble. She arrived 11 minutes too late, soaked and apologetic, muttering about “unexpected high-pressure systems from Krustysand.” Traitorous warm winds, no doubt.
The mourning was later resumed in the shade of a rotting herring warehouse, though many attendees agreed the mood had been irreparably lightened. Disgraceful.
Local council has promised a full investigation into the meteorological failure and will meet next week to discuss sanctions against Yr.no (known locally as Yawn Rain) for their failure to predict this atmospheric atrocity.
A protest march is scheduled for tomorrow. The forecast? 18°C and sunny. May the slime preserve us.
Blørgilda Mudgrumble
Local News and Weather Reporter, AncientNews.com
“If it’s not raining, we’re all doomed.”
Now for the troll comments:
- Troll1Grump: “I swear, if I wanted to be blinded at a funeral, I would have gone to a sunny village. #blessedbythegodsOFDEATH”
- GloomyGert: “Sunshine? At my funeral? Next thing you know, they’ll have ice cream trucks at my wake. DISGUSTING.”
- TrollTears: “Honestly, I would’ve preferred a thunderstorm. At least it would’ve been dramatic. This is just rude. #LetTheCloudsSigh”
- WretchCloudy: “Weren’t we supposed to be summoning clouds, not ruining the day with these sky-based betrayals? Should’ve summoned a soggy one.”
- GrumpNugget: “Is it really too much to ask for a nice, dreary drizzle? Apparently so. #NothingsSacred”
Speaking of unpredictable weather disrupting solemn occasions, you might be interested in learning about the fascinating history of Weather Modification, exploring how humans have tried to control the climate to prevent such unwanted sunshine surprises. And if the mournful traditions of trolls intrigue you, you might enjoy diving deeper into whole stories of Troll Folklore in Scandinavian mythology, which sheds light on their curious customs and legendary aversion to sunlight. Moreover, considering that strange interruptions at funerals pique your curiosity, you could read about some unusual funeral customs from around the world described in the Wikipedia entry on Funeral Customs Around the World.
