Deep in the murky forests of Norway, where the trees whisper secrets and the rocks have seen things they’d rather forget, the trolls of Boulderfjord decided it was time for a change. Their bank, The First National Rockpile, had been operating for centuries under the wise (but mostly sleepy) eye of Old Grimbark. But after he accidentally ate half the vault in a midnight snack mishap, it was decided a new bank manager was needed.
Rather than simply appoint one, as humans might do, the trolls chose the most troll-like method possible: an audition.
Round One: The Strength Test
The first test was simple—whoever could lift and throw the most boulders would prove they were strong enough to handle the weight of financial responsibility.
Gorm the Mountainous, a troll so wide he blocked out the sun when he walked by, hurled a boulder straight into the fjord, where it created a tsunami that soaked the entire village.
Snorg the Unwashed managed to throw one directly into the cave where the money was stored, sealing it shut with a resounding boom.
And then there was Gilda the One-Toothed, who mistook the test for a snack challenge and gnawed on her rock instead.
After considerable debate (and an hour spent digging out the money cave), the judges decided that perhaps strength wasn’t the best indicator of financial wisdom.
Round Two: The Counting Challenge
Numbers aren’t exactly a troll’s strong suit.
The remaining candidates were handed a pile of shiny gold coins and told to count them. Grurg the Whisperer, famous for his “brainpower” (which, in troll terms, meant he once remembered where he left his club), counted confidently: “One, lots, even more, a mountain, a WHOLE LOT!”
Frida Boulderbrain stacked the coins into a wobbly tower, declared herself Queen of Gold, and refused to participate further unless everyone addressed her as “Her Royal Coinness.”
And Bork the Slightly Less Hairy? He ate the coins.
After a long discussion (and a brief wrestling match to retrieve the eaten coins), it was determined that counting was also not a great way to pick a bank manager.
Round Three: Customer Service
The trolls figured that if a manager couldn’t do math, at the very least they should be friendly to the customers.
To test this, they invited a group of human villagers to come in and make simple transactions. What followed was utter catastrophe.
Grurg the Whisperer yelled so loudly at a customer that the poor man fled and hasn’t been seen since.
Snorg the Unwashed offered an “exclusive deal” where customers could “deposit” their gold directly into his pockets.
And Frida Boulderbrain—still convinced she was royalty—issued a decree that all villagers must pay her a goat for the privilege of standing in her presence.
At this point, the human villagers demanded to speak to the bank’s supervisor. Since there wasn’t one, a full-scale riot ensued.
The Unexpected Winner
Just when it seemed that The First National Rockpile was doomed, a quiet voice spoke up.
“I’ll do it,” said Yorna the Wise, a troll so old that mushrooms grew on her shoulders. “I know how to count. I know how to be nice. And I haven’t eaten any money today.”
The other trolls gasped. Could such a creature exist?
The judges huddled together, grunting and scratching their heads. Finally, after much discussion, they declared Yorna the winner—not because she was particularly great, but because she was the least awful of the lot.
And so, The First National Rockpile had a new bank manager.
Epilogue: A New Era of Banking
Under Yorna’s leadership, the bank became the most successful financial institution in troll history. She introduced radical new concepts like “not hoarding gold under your mattress,” “not eating the assets,” and “using numbers instead of vague terms like ‘lots’ and ‘even more.’”
The villagers, still traumatized from their earlier visit, chose to keep their money elsewhere, but for the trolls, it was a golden age.
That is, until one fateful night when Gorm the Mountainous, suffering from an extreme case of midnight munchies, mistook the vault for a particularly tasty rock.
And so, the cycle began again.
Speaking of the audacious world of trolls, you might be interested in delving deeper into their mystical lore through this comprehensive Wikipedia article on Trolls. Looking at their banking antics, you might also be curious about the real-world system of banking. Gain insightful knowledge from this detailed Wikipedia article on Banks. Lastly, if the scenic description of Norway caught your interest, consider exploring more about this beautiful country, its forests, and unique folklore through this Wikipedia article on Norway. Oh, and in case you’re wondering about the impact of midnight munchies, this Wikipedia’s Night Eating Syndrome page might be of interest.
