Deep in the foggy fjords of Norway, where the mountains grumble and the rivers mumble in their sleep, a group of particularly ambitious trolls decided they had had enough of surprise human encounters. Too many trolls had turned into stone due to carelessly wandering into broad daylight, and frankly, the annual Troll Memorial Statue Tour was getting out of hand. Something had to be done.
Enter Grutgar the Wise, a troll with an unusually large brain (by troll standards, which meant it was only slightly smaller than a turnip). Grutgar, along with his loyal but dimwitted assistant Bork, had a revolutionary idea: The Automatic Human Detection System 3000 (a name he thought sounded very advanced). This device, once activated, would emit a loud warning whenever a human was near, ensuring trolls could hide before the dreaded sunlight arrived.
The Invention
The AHDS-3000 was a work of true troll engineering. It consisted of:
- A large hollowed-out tree stump filled with troll magic (mostly moss and goat droppings for “power”)
- A horn made from an old yak skull
- A network of enchanted snails trained to react to the smell of shampoo, deodorant, and overly clean clothing
- A small but essential rock that did nothing but looked important
The system worked like this: When a human approached, the snails would wrinkle their slimy noses and retreat into their shells, triggering a chain reaction that eventually caused the yak-skull horn to blare out an ear-splitting alarm.
At least, that was the idea.
The First Test
The trolls gathered at dusk to witness the first-ever test of the AHDS-3000. Grutgar and Bork proudly placed it near a well-known hiking trail. The tension was thick as a lone human, a hiker named Bjorn, strolled towards them, blissfully unaware of the trolls lurking behind a boulder.
The snails twitched. The system groaned. The yak skull trembled.
And then—-
“HUMAN ALERT! HUMAN ALERT! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES, YOU ROCK-BRAINED OAFS!”
The horn didn’t just blare. It screamed in a voice suspiciously similar to Grutgar’s mother-in-law, Helga the Loud. The entire fjord echoed with the alarm as it continued:
“DANGER! DANGER! UNWASHED PINK-SKIN APPROACHING! HE SMELLS LIKE SOAP! AAAAH!”
Panic ensued. Trolls bolted in every direction. Bork tried to hide under his own foot. Grutgar himself ran so fast he tripped over a goat (which complained loudly).
Meanwhile, Bjorn the hiker, who had merely been enjoying a peaceful stroll, stood frozen in absolute terror as the valley screamed at him. Convinced he had stumbled into some ancient, haunted Norwegian ghost land, he turned and fled, vowing never to return.
The Issues Begin
For a brief moment, the trolls celebrated. “It worked!” Grutgar cheered, hugging Bork so hard he nearly popped his assistant’s head off. But then, problems arose.
First, the system wouldn’t stop.
The yak skull kept shouting insults long after the human was gone:
“FALSE ALARM! WAIT, NO! MAYBE! I’M NOT SURE! BETTER HIDE ANYWAY!”
Second, it seemed to detect everything as a human.
A passing elk? “HUMAN ALERT!”
A gust of wind? “HUMAN ALERT!”
A slightly suspicious-looking rock? “HUMAN ALERT!”
Trolls couldn’t sleep. The fjord became an endless symphony of false alarms. Even the normally peaceful Bridge Troll Union went on strike, complaining that their bridges had turned into “unlivable screaming platforms.”
The Unfortunate Ending
After a week of unbearable noise and confusion, the trolls gathered to demand a solution. Grutgar, embarrassed but still unwilling to admit defeat, promised to fix the invention.
His solution? He kicked it.
This, as it turned out, was not a wise move.
The yak skull let out one final, earsplitting screech before exploding in a spectacular burst of moss, snail shells, and unidentifiable green goo. The shockwave sent trolls tumbling into trees, rivers, and, unfortunately, each other.
And thus, the AHDS-3000 met its end, its parts scattered across the valley. Trolls agreed never to speak of it again, though bits of yak skull are still occasionally found by confused hikers.
As for Grutgar? He was last seen trying to convince the others that his new idea, a troll-friendly sunscreen, would solve all their problems.
The trolls were skeptical.
Speaking of the fascinating world of trolls and their tales, you might be interested in checking out the Wikipedia page on Trolls in Scandinavian folklore. Moreover, if you didn’t know, the setting of our tale, the breathtaking fjords of Norway, are an exceptional sight to behold themselves, you can find more on Norwegian Fjords. Ever heard of the funny goat incident that tripped our clever Troll, Grutgar? There’s an entire Wikipedia article dedicated entirely to the unique species of Goats. Lastly, Grutgar’s ingenious idea of inventing a troll-friendly sunscreen, ring any bells? Sunscreen is quite an interesting concept, dive deeper into its science on the Sunscreen page.
