In the shadowy depths of the Sognefjord, where the cliffs are as tall as a troll’s appetite and the waterfalls tumble like spilled ale, a scandal was brewing. It all began one fateful night when an entire herd of goats vanished without a trace from the human village of Flåm.
Now, in most places, a missing goat or two might be chalked up to wolves, bad fences, or a particularly enthusiastic barbecue. But this was Norway, and everyone knew that if an entire herd disappeared overnight, there was only one explanation: trolls.
The Crime Scene
Farmer Olav Knutsen was the first to sound the alarm. He woke up in the morning, strolled out to his pasture with his coffee, and promptly dropped his mug when he saw that his 42 goats were gone.
The only clue? A single, massive footprint—roughly the size of a bathtub—squashed into the muddy ground. Next to it lay a crude wooden sign that read:
“No goat here. Go home.”
The villagers immediately called a town meeting. They debated for hours, but the conclusion was obvious. This was classic troll behavior—messy, poorly thought out, and entirely unsubtle.
The Investigation
Now, investigating trolls is difficult, mostly because they don’t care about human laws and have a tendency to eat witnesses. But Flåm’s bravest (or most foolish) resident, Bjørn the Blacksmith, decided to take matters into his own hands.
Armed with nothing but a lantern, a stale loaf of bread (for bait), and a deep resentment toward trolls for once stealing his outhouse, Bjørn marched into the fjord that evening.
It didn’t take long. A mere two kilometers into the forest, he stumbled upon The Grand Troll Banquet.
And there, in the middle of a large stone clearing, sat Grugnar the Unwashed—a troll so massive that he needed three boulders just to sit comfortably. Surrounding him were smaller trolls, cackling and celebrating. The goats? Every single one of them was still alive, standing in the middle of the trolls… wearing tiny decorative hats.
Troll Logic at Its Finest
Bjørn, being a man of reason (or at least moderate intelligence), stepped forward and demanded an explanation.
Grugnar, licking goat fur from his fingers, grinned.
“Is Troll Holiday. Need decorations.”
Bjørn blinked. “You… kidnapped goats for decoration?”
Grugnar nodded enthusiastically. “Goat is best decoration! Stand still, make funny noise, smell good.”
One of the smaller trolls clapped. “Also, eat grass. Clean floor while being pretty.”
Bjørn sighed. “So you weren’t going to eat them?”
Grugnar looked horrified. “Eat decoration? Is madness!”
It was hard to argue with troll logic.
The Goat Rescue (Sort Of)
After much grumbling, negotiating, and one unfortunate incident where a baby troll mistook Bjørn’s beard for a squirrel, the trolls reluctantly agreed to return the goats—after the festival ended, of course.
When the goats finally returned to Flåm three days later, they were in perfect health, albeit slightly traumatized and very, very fancy. Each goat had been given a handcrafted flower crown, tiny wooden shoes, and a necklace made of polished fish bones.
Olav the farmer was outraged, but the goats seemed to enjoy their new look. Tourists loved them, and before long, Flåm became famous for its “Troll-Kissed Goats,” drawing crowds from all over Norway.
And so, in a rare win-win situation, the trolls got their decorations, the goats got a vacation, and the humans got a thriving new tourism industry.
As for Grugnar the Unwashed? He was last seen stealing a shipment of Christmas lights from Bergen.
Because, as he reportedly told a very confused truck driver:
“Next year, we make goats sparkle.”
Speaking of this engaging story, you might be curious to learn more about its elements. If you’re interested in learning more about the breathtaking landscapes where this story took place, you should definitely check out the Sognefjord page on Wikipedia. Furthermore, if you’re intrigued by the idea of trolls as significant characters in Scandinavian folklore, you would surely find the Troll article fascinating. This adventurous tale also has a unique Norwegian setting – so why not discover more about Norway, the land of fjords, Northern lights, and goats! Additionally, dive deeper into the charming aspects of Norway by exploring Flåm, the village at the heart of our story. And last, but not least, who can resist the charm of the real stars of this thrilling saga – the Goats! Learn more about this resilient species on the Goat Wikipedia page.
