Deep in the foggy fjords of Norway, where the mountains grumble and the bridges mysteriously collapse overnight, a group of particularly inventive trolls has unveiled their latest creation: the square wheel.

Yes, you read that correctly. While humans have been rolling around on round wheels for centuries like absolute fools, the trolls have finally decided to reinvent the wheel—literally.

The Genius Behind the Madness

The mastermind behind the square wheel is none other than Grumle Flatnose, a troll famous for his innovations in rock transportation and goat management. Grumle had long been frustrated with the human idea of a wheel.

“Why should wheels be round? Round things roll away! Square things stay put! Much better!” he grumbled in an exclusive interview while chewing on a large boulder.

According to Grumle, the problem with round wheels is that they move too easily. Trolls, being large and often quite lazy, hate chasing things. The square wheel, in contrast, stays exactly where you left it—no more runaway wagons, no more carts rolling downhill straight into the nearest human village.

The First Square-Wheeled Cart

To demonstrate his brilliant invention, Grumle attached four perfectly square stone wheels to an old wooden cart. The results were… well, spectacularly trollish.

The first attempt at movement resulted in a lot of loud thudding, two broken bridges, and one very confused goat that somehow got caught in the mechanism. The cart did eventually move—but only after a team of twenty-seven trolls pushed it uphill with all their might, grunting and sweating profusely.

“It’s not about speed,” Grumle explained, “it’s about efficiency. No unnecessary rolling!”

The Problems (That Trolls Ignore)

Of course, there have been a few minor drawbacks:

• It takes three days to move a cart ten feet.
• The cart makes a noise so loud it wakes up mountain trolls, who are notoriously grumpy.
• Humans laughed at it. (Which led to a series of unfortunate bridge collapses as the trolls sought revenge.)

Despite these challenges, trolls remain convinced that the square wheel is the future of transportation.

Troll Business Booming

The invention has already sparked a troll business boom. A new company, TrollTech Square Wheels Inc., has started producing customized square wheels for all sorts of troll vehicles. Customers can choose from:

• Stone Squares (Classic but heavy)
• Tree-Trunk Squares (More environmentally friendly)
• Goat-Leg Squares (Ethically questionable, but very fashionable)

The company has even started exporting their wheels to unsuspecting human settlements, disguising them as “superior Norse technology.”

The Future of Troll Transportation

Despite the significant mobility issues, trolls remain stubbornly enthusiastic about their invention. Plans are already in place for:

• The Square Bicycle (a bike that doesn’t move at all—perfect for lazy trolls)
• The Square Carriage (requires an army of trolls to push, but eliminates speeding accidents)
• The Square Boat (currently just a floating log, but engineers are confident it will work eventually)

When asked about his next invention, Grumle Flatnose hinted at a triangular sled, which he believes will revolutionize winter travel.

Until then, trolls everywhere are proudly thudding their way into the future—one loud, bumpy step at a time.

Speaking of innovative transportation methods, you might be interested in reading about the fascinating history of transport on Wikipedia. If Grumle Flatnose piqued your curiosity about Norway and its folklore, explore trolls and other mythical creatures rooted in Scandinavia’s rich legendary history. The mention of the ‘Square Bicycle’ might also lead you to be interested in the history of the bicycle, to examine just how far human engineering has progressed. Finally, given the trolls’ gutsy attempt at reinventing mobility, you might enjoy the Wikipedia article on the wheel, a true testament to human ingenuity and invention.