By Grumbla Riffstone, Ancient Troll Critic, AncientNews.com
? REVIEW ARTICLE
From the steel-hearted dance dungeons of Skvattpytt (Hamburg, Germany) comes Sküter the Howler (Scooter)—a techno trio forged in fluorescent strobe light and powered entirely by unhinged shouting and 180 BPM drum machines. If you’ve ever wanted to be screamed at by a wizard riding a synth-dragon, this is your moment.
Their music hits like a troll migraine: fast, aggressive, strangely euphoric, and full of lyrical poetry such as:
“HYPER HYPER!”
“POSSE! UNITED! WE’RE HARDCORE!”
“RESPECT TO THE MAN IN THE ICE CREAM VAN!”
If you played this in a fjord, the fish would either start dancing or violently explode. Possibly both.
Sküter’s frontman, Gnårl Skreechfinger (H.P. Baxxter), delivers his lines like he just escaped a haunted karaoke machine. He doesn’t sing. He yells with the conviction of a berserker who just discovered glowsticks.
The beats? Repetitive enough to summon ancient trance spirits, but also chaotic enough to make your bones vibrate in weird places. Somehow, it works. Against all troll logic, it works.
And their concerts? Oh, youngling. Fire. Lasers. More shouting. Half the audience thinks they’re in Valhalla. The other half forgot where their pants went.
? TROLL RATING: 4/5 RUNE-SMASHED DANCE STONES
“Louder than a wyvern’s mating cry, but weirdly… fun. I danced. I hate that I danced.”
WHY:
Scooter’s music shouldn’t work. It’s yelling, pounding, repetition, and German chaos. But it’s pure commitment. And sometimes, that’s more powerful than musical talent. It didn’t make me weep blood. That’s high praise from me.
? TROLL COMMENT SECTION
? DJ Borkdrum: “I put on Scooter and my cave turned into a rave pit. Also I haven’t slept in 3 days. Thanks?”
? Lasør Tøadbeam: “Is it even music if no one shouts ‘YEEAAHH BABY!’ every 4 seconds??”
? Crüntz Dancemangler: “I saw them live in 1427. Still recovering. My beard glows now.”
? Møthstomp Glowbane: “Scooter invented time travel by accident during ‘Nessaja.’ True story. Look it up.”
? Snørk the Bass-Hater: “Too many lasers. Not enough doom flute. 2/10.”
If you’re intrigued by Scooter’s unique brand of electronic madness and troll-approved rave energy, why not dive deeper into the larger-than-life genre that helped create it? Speaking of pulsing dance beats and energetic shouting, you might enjoy exploring the vibrant world of Happy Hardcore. For those curious about the band’s origins, you could discover more about Scooter (band) on Wikipedia. And if the fantasy references intrigue your inner troll, why not venture into the ancient myths surrounding Valhalla? Finally, if you’ve ever wondered about what exactly a “wyvern” is, check out the fascinating entry on mythical creatures like the Wyvern.
