Deep in the shadowy fjords of Norway, where the mountains loom like grumpy old men and the rivers gurgle secrets to the moss, a groundbreaking (literally) event was about to take place—the very first Troll Tennis Tournament.
Why tennis? Well, trolls had heard that humans played this mysterious sport and decided that anything involving giant nets and smashing things with clubs sounded fun. Unfortunately, trolls being trolls, they didn’t quite grasp all the finer details.
The Problem with Equipment
The first major issue arose when the trolls attempted to gather the necessary gear. Tennis rackets were far too small for troll hands, so they made their own using tree trunks and spiderwebs. The results were… ineffective. On the first swing, Bork the Brawny accidentally flattened three trees, a goat, and most of the snack stand.
The tennis balls posed an even bigger problem. Actual tennis balls were much too tiny, so trolls made their own by rolling up boulders and wrapping them in moss for “better bounce.” This, as it turns out, was a terrible idea. The first serve launched a boulder straight into the fjord, where it created a new island that now appears on some maps as “Troll Blunder Rock.”
The Matches Begin
The tournament kicked off with Grutgar the Grumpy vs. Helga the Horrible, two of the most competitive trolls in the fjord. The match was an instant disaster.
- Grutgar, misunderstanding the rules, attempted to “defend his side” by throwing Helga’s serves back at her, knocking out three of her teeth (she later thanked him for the free dental work).
- Helga, furious, picked up the entire net and used it to trap Grutgar like an oversized fish.
- The audience, unsure whether this was normal for tennis, began placing bets on who would survive the longest rather than who would win.
Meanwhile, the umpire, Snorg the Sneaky, saw an opportunity. He decided to introduce some “rule modifications” that conveniently favored whoever paid him in goats. His new rules included:
- “If your opponent looks at you funny, you get 10 extra points.”
- “If you hit the ball so hard it disappears, you automatically win.”
- “Throwing your racket at your opponent is allowed, but only if done with artistic flair.”
Chaos ensued. Some trolls started bribing Snorg with whole herds of goats, while others just threatened to sit on him until he changed his rulings. The audience loved it.
The Final Showdown
The last match was the most legendary of all: Bork the Brawny vs. Ulf the Unwashed.
Bork, known for his immense strength, decided that instead of serving the ball, he would simply throw it directly at Ulf. The boulder flew so fast it caught fire mid-air. Ulf, in an impressive display of troll survival instincts, dodged the flaming projectile and immediately declared himself the winner.
The problem? The ball didn’t stop. It continued soaring through the sky and, according to local historians, may have been responsible for the meteor sighting in northern Norway that night.
The Aftermath
With the entire event descending into complete mayhem, the trolls finally agreed on one thing: Tennis was a terrible idea.
Instead, they voted to invent their own version of the sport. The rules were simple:
- Instead of a net, you use a sleeping bear (extra points if it wakes up mid-match).
- Instead of rackets, you use whatever you can swing (including but not limited to: logs, goats, or other trolls).
- If the ball is lost, the last troll who touched it is required to replace it by throwing themselves into a boulder and shaping a new one.
And thus, Troll Tennis was born. A game of brute strength, complete unfairness, and frequent property damage.
To this day, humans hiking in Norway may still stumble upon flattened trees, missing boulders, and confused bears—silent witnesses to the sport that never should have existed.
And as for Snorg the Sneaky? He retired from officiating and now runs a highly profitable business selling “authentic troll tennis memorabilia,” which, suspiciously, seems to be nothing more than regular rocks.
Speaking of the wonderful sport of tennis, you might be intrigued to delve into its rich history and variations, as seen in this informative Wikipedia article about Tennis. If you’ve been tickled by the fantastical element of Norwegian trolls, you may enjoy checking out this engaging Wikipedia page on Trolls, offering an abundance of insights into creatures of Scandinavian folklore. And, for the geography enthusiasts, immerse yourself in the scenic beauty of Norway’s most outstanding landscapes by reading this in-depth Wikipedia article on the fjords of Norway. The amusement of Troll Tennis makes it a fine time to learn about the actual sport, mythical figures, and the country setting. Enjoy your exploration!
