Deep in the frosty fjords of Norway, where the snow blankets the mountains like an overenthusiastic baker dusting a cake, something terrible happened. The trolls—those rock-chewing, bridge-lurking, goat-stealing creatures—discovered skiing. And as one might expect, chaos ensued.
The Discovery of Skis
It all started when Bjornulf the Bearded, a particularly hairy troll with the brainpower of a frozen turnip, stumbled across an abandoned ski lodge after a group of humans had fled in terror (as humans tend to do when trolls show up unexpectedly). Curious about the long wooden planks strapped to their feet, Bjornulf did what any self-respecting troll would do—he ate one. Finding it disappointingly non-goaty, he decided to try strapping the remaining ones to his feet.
“Look at me! I am gliding like an elegant mountain goat!” he bellowed—right before he tumbled down the mountain, taking out three pine trees, a family of hibernating bears, and a very surprised moose.
The Troll Ski Club is Born
Word spread fast among the trolls, who were always on the lookout for new ways to cause trouble. Soon, entire troll clans were stealing skis from unsuspecting tourists, fashioning ski poles out of uprooted trees, and engaging in what they called “Troll Alpine Warfare.” Unlike human skiing, which involves grace and balance, troll skiing focused more on maximum destruction and seeing who could flatten the most obstacles on the way down.
The slopes of Mount Snøfloppen became a war zone. Trees were used as ramps, boulders became speed bumps (often launching trolls into the air), and one poor human ski instructor had to explain to his boss why half of the rental skis were now embedded in the side of a mountain lodge.
The Great Troll Slalom Disaster
Everything came to a head when someone (probably Bjornulf, because he has the worst ideas) decided to organize the first-ever Troll Slalom Championship. The course was simple: get from the top of the mountain to the bottom in one piece, preferably taking out as many objects as possible along the way.
The race began with Skarf the Stinky, whose attempt at aerodynamics involved greasing himself with yak butter. He made it a full ten feet before launching off a cliff and vanishing into the mist.
Next came Drudla the Enormous, whose strategy was sheer brute force. She didn’t bother weaving around obstacles—she simply skied straight through them, creating a new and very illegal ski path known as “Drudla’s Destruction Route.”
The final racer, Bjornulf, attempted an ambitious move called the “Triple Goat Flip.” It failed spectacularly, sending him careening into a human ski resort, where he crashed directly into the hot tub. The sight of a steaming, confused troll in their relaxation area was too much for the guests, who fled faster than an elf at a troll family reunion.
Humans Try to Intervene
The Norwegian Ski Federation, after receiving multiple complaints about trolls rampaging through the mountains, attempted to put a stop to the madness. They sent a representative, Sven Olavsson, to negotiate with the trolls. His mission was simple: convince them to leave the ski slopes alone.
Sven, however, made the critical mistake of bringing a backpack full of snacks, including cheese and smoked fish. The trolls immediately decided he was their new best friend and invited him to become the official referee of the next Troll Ski Championship. He hasn’t been seen since, though there have been reports of a very nervous man shouting “No, Bjornulf, don’t eat the skis!” echoing through the valleys.
Conclusion: Trolls and Skiing Are a Bad Mix
With ski lodges in ruins, forests littered with troll-shaped craters, and the human population of the region moving away at record speed, the Norwegian government decided to take drastic action. They issued an official decree: “No Trolls Allowed on the Slopes!”
Of course, trolls can’t read.
And so, to this day, if you find yourself skiing in Norway and you hear a deep, booming laugh followed by the sound of snapping trees, you might want to get off the slopes. Fast.
Because somewhere, somehow, Bjornulf is still trying to master that Triple Goat Flip.
Speaking of fascinating folklore, you might be interested in getting more information about the mythical creatures that love to stir up a ruckus. Dive into the world of trolls with this Wikipedia article about Trolls. If you’re curious about their natural habitat, why not explore the breathtaking fjords of Norway too? If you’re a ski enthusiast or perhaps drawn to eccentric sporting events, you will enjoy this interesting piece on the thrill and challenges of Slalom Skiing. Lastly, for a little sprinkle of humor, check out this article on Goats. You never know when you might need to execute a comedic Triple Goat Flip!
What an amazing day for the Trolls 🙂