Deep in the heart of Norway’s foggy fjords, beneath the crumbling bridges and inside the dampest caves, an event of legendary stupidity was unfolding—the Great Troll Election. This only happens once every 300 years (mostly because trolls forget about it), and this year’s contest was shaping up to be the most ridiculous in troll history.
The Candidates: A Rock, A Furious Bridge Troll, and a Suspiciously Hairy Moose
The election had three leading candidates, each more unqualified than the last.
- Old Craggy Rock – A literal rock. No one knew who put it on the ballot, but trolls, being notoriously bad at decision-making, found its presence “comforting.”
- Grumblor the Furious – A bridge troll known for his loud shouting, deep hatred of humans, and tendency to eat his own campaign posters. His slogan: “Troll First! Rocks Second! Humans… Dinner!”
- Møøse the Moose – A very confused moose that wandered into the voting hall and was somehow declared a candidate by accident. Despite not being a troll, he had strong support from the forest trolls, who believed “he had nice antlers” and “didn’t talk too much.”
The Great Debate: Yelling, Rock Throwing, and Unhinged Promises
The candidates gathered for a debate on Mount Blunderhead. The trolls in attendance cheered, booed, and occasionally threw whole trees at each other.
- Grumblor yelled about how bridges were the key to a strong troll future and promised to install tolls on all of them—payable only in stolen goats.
- Møøse the Moose chewed on the debate podium and said nothing. Trolls interpreted this as a sign of great wisdom.
- Old Craggy Rock said nothing either, but many trolls agreed it had “strong leadership energy” due to its ability to sit in one place and not do anything dumb.
The Scandals: Goat Bribery and Mysterious Mud-Slinging (Literal Mud)
As the election drew closer, scandals rocked the campaign trail.
- Grumblor was accused of hoarding goats for personal use instead of sharing them with the community. His response? “I eat them for YOU!”
- Møøse the Moose mysteriously gained 500 votes overnight despite not knowing what an election was. Investigators discovered his campaign manager was just three forest trolls in a trench coat, which only made him more popular.
- Old Craggy Rock was involved in a mud-slinging scandal when trolls started throwing actual mud at each other and blaming the rock for its “suspicious silence.”
The Voting Disaster: A Landslide (Literally)
Troll elections are simple: you throw a boulder at the candidate you support. Unfortunately, this led to complete mayhem when an overly enthusiastic troll threw a boulder too hard, causing an actual landslide that buried the voting hall.
When the dust settled, the only candidate still standing was… Old Craggy Rock.
The Aftermath: A Rock Rules Trollkind
With no way to dispute the results (because trolls don’t understand recounts), Old Craggy Rock was declared the winner. Trolls celebrated by hitting each other with sticks and stealing more goats.
Grumblor stormed off in a rage, vowing to run again in 300 years. Møøse the Moose simply wandered away, still blissfully unaware he had almost become the ruler of all trolls.
And so, for the next three centuries, the trolls of Norway were ruled by a completely inanimate rock—which, all things considered, was probably the best leader they ever had.
Speaking of the peculiarities of elections, you might be interested in losing yourself in the labyrinth of the world’s most unique electoral systems. Just take a look at the fascinating quirks of the UK Election System. Fascinated by trolls? Crawl deeper into their mythology with this comprehensive Wikipedia article on Trolls. And if the strange campaign tactics amused you, then a broader look into the art of campaigning might well hold your interest. If you’re baffled by the involvement of a moose in our legend, a dive into the world of Moose, the giant deer from the wild will be an enlightening read. Finally, curious about the lands of such hilarious creature politics? Here’s everything you need to know about the breathtaking geography of Norway. Happy exploring!
