MOSS, ØSTFOLD — In what can only be described as the most dramatic twist in birdwatching history, Moss has officially declared war on the crows. After centuries of cohabitation, the once-celebrated avian citizens have apparently overstayed their welcome. Local government officials have decided that the time has come to “take back the skies” from these black-feathered troublemakers.
“Look, they’ve had a good run,” said Mayor Simen Nord, glaring at a nearby crow perched on a lamppost as if it had just spilled his morning ale. “But enough is enough. They’ve crapped on enough cars, wrecked our statues, and, quite frankly, they’re getting too bold. I’ve had it.”
For years, the crows have been the town’s mascot — an enduring symbol of Moss’ gritty charm. But the relationship between the humans and their winged counterparts has always been one-sided. The crows, long known for their intelligence and ability to ruin every outdoor picnic in existence, now appear to be taking things to the next level. And by “next level,” we mean strategically swooping into council meetings and leaving “artistic offerings” on freshly-cleaned statues of former mayors.
Local ornithologist Dr. Liv Kråke has weighed in on the subject, though she is mostly just excited about the chaos. “Honestly, I think this is the most fun the crows have had since the Great Waffle Shortage of ’98,” she said, eyes twinkling mischievously. “You can’t blame them, really. They’re incredibly smart creatures. They’ve outlasted every weather pattern, every building project, and now they’ve found their favorite target — us.”
While the crows might be relishing their moment of mischief, not everyone shares the same enthusiasm. Moss residents are torn between their love for the birds and their desire for clean statues and non-pooped-on vehicles.
“We’ve been tolerant,” said local baker Bjorn Gulv. “For decades, we’ve watched these birds swoop in, steal our bread crumbs, and leave a trail of destruction. The final straw was the council statue of Lars ‘Ironfist’ Hagen — they left a giant mess right on his face. It’s disrespectful.” Bjorn paused dramatically. “So now, it’s war.”
The crows have responded in kind, with several reports of coordinated aerial formations and their now-famous “scavenger rallies” outside the bakery. One crow, known locally as “Big Bobo,” has been seen regularly leading the charge, flapping around in what can only be described as a cocky manner.
In retaliation, Moss has formed a “Crow Task Force,” consisting of an eclectic mix of local birdwatchers, disgruntled farmers, and the town’s best umbrella owners. The operation, codenamed “Feathers No More,” will involve a variety of tactics, including but not limited to: decoy statues, preemptive seed confiscation, and the strategic placement of fake crows to confuse the real ones.
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Despite the apparent humor of the situation, there’s a definite air of seriousness in Moss. “We can’t let this continue,” said Mayor Nord, staring out at a flock of crows circling overhead. “If we don’t act now, we could be looking at an entire generation of crows that think they own this town. They might even run for mayor next.”
The town has officially asked all citizens to report any suspicious crow activity, especially near public statues or outdoor café tables. Authorities have promised that no crow will be harmed during the campaign, though some crows may find themselves temporarily relocated to less affluent neighborhoods (i.e., other towns).
As of press time, no crows have commented on the war, but sources say the birds are planning an urgent strategy meeting tomorrow at the Mossy Old Oak. A source close to the crows (who wishes to remain anonymous) claims the birds are preparing a retaliation “so loud, it’ll shake the very trees they’ve been pooping on for years.”
Stay tuned, Moss. This feud is far from over.
In unrelated news, if you happen to see any crows around, be sure to let us know. They might just be planning something… or just enjoying the view from their high perch.
?️ “Honestly, I think the crows might be doing us a favor. I mean, who needs clean statues when you’ve got such a beautiful shade of poop on them?” — Local Historian, Bjorn “Feathered Bane” Tormsson.
?️ “Oh, look at that! The crows are trying to claim the town square as their own. What’s next? A crow-run café?” — Hilda Knucklebones, amateur ornithologist (and professional grumbler).
?️ “Sure, go ahead and keep trying to outsmart them with fake crows. But we all know these birds are slicker than a greased goblin.” — Mikkel “The Umbrella Defender” Stenborg.
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?️ “Maybe we should just offer them some fine wine and a few winks at the town’s cafes. They’ve clearly earned it after all these years of unpaid pooping services.” — Unnamed Diner Owner, who’s learned to appreciate the birds’ artistic contributions.
Enjoy the spectacle!
Speaking of bird conflicts, you might find it intriguing to explore the historical events surrounding the famous Australian Emu War, an unusual battle between humans and emus in the Australian wilderness. If you’re curious about crow intelligence, you’ll enjoy reading up on the fascinating world of Corvid Intelligence to understand why our feathered friends are often seen as incredibly clever. Additionally, if this amusing saga from Moss has sparked your interest in birdwatching, consider checking out the relaxing and rewarding hobby of Birdwatching, a popular pastime enjoyed worldwide.
