By Trendy-Toe, Fashion & Human Culture Reporter at AncientNews.com
Disclaimer: The following article contains human fashion trends that may cause severe eye-rolling, uncontrollable scoffing, and the occasional snort among troll readers. Proceed with caution.
Pleated Skirts: Humans Rediscover the Accordion
In a groundbreaking move, humans have decided that ironing is overrated. Enter the pleated skirt—a garment that looks perpetually crumpled yet is hailed as “chic.” Spotted all over Paris Fashion Week, these skirts are the epitome of humans trying to turn laundry mishaps into fashion statements. ​
East/West Bags: Because Cardinal Directions Matter
Not content with bags that simply hold things, humans have introduced the East/West bag—a horizontally elongated accessory that challenges the very notion of practicality. Apparently, carrying your belongings in a north/south orientation is so last season.
Butter Yellow: The Color of Dairy Dominates
This spring, humans are embracing butter yellow, a hue that ensures they blend seamlessly into fields of dandelions. Designers like Chloé and Zimmermann have incorporated this color into their collections, proving that looking like a stick of butter is the pinnacle of style.
Corsage Details: Florals? For Spring? Groundbreaking.
In an attempt to make every day a prom night, humans are adorning themselves with oversized floral corsages. These fabric flowers are attached to everything from belts to shoes, ensuring that no outfit is safe from botanical invasion. ​
Leopard Print Kitten Heels: When Predators Go Miniature
Leopard print has clawed its way back into human wardrobes, this time on kitten heels. Because nothing says “apex predator” like a two-inch heel covered in faux animal print.
Leather Trench Coats: The Matrix Called; It Wants Its Coat Back
Humans are reviving leather trench coats, making every city street look like a budget remake of a 90s sci-fi film. Worn buttoned-up as dresses or over jeans, these coats are the perfect way to say, “I might be a hacker.”
Tulle, Organza, and Chiffon: Humans Embrace Transparency
Sheer fabrics like tulle, organza, and chiffon are all the rage, allowing humans to showcase their undergarments in the name of fashion. Vogue suggests pairing these delicate materials with practical items like wide-leg trousers and sneakers, because nothing complements see-through fabric like bulky pants.
Belts: The More, The Merrier
Why wear one belt when you can wear three? Humans are now twisting multiple belts together and using them to cinch everything from jackets to dresses, making sure they’re always one bathroom break away from a wardrobe malfunction.
Micro-Trends Are Dead. Long Live the ‘Vibe’
In a shocking turn of events, humans have grown tired of fleeting micro-trends and are now embracing the concept of the “vibe.” This holistic approach focuses on aesthetic, emotion, and lifestyle, moving away from consumerism and towards personal expression. It’s like they’ve discovered that being themselves is the ultimate fashion statement.
Conclusion: Humans Continue to Amuse
As trolls, we may never understand the human obsession with fashion, but we can certainly appreciate the entertainment it provides. From pleated skirts to multiple belts, humans prove time and again that their capacity for sartorial absurdity knows no bounds.​
Stay tuned for next month’s edition, where we’ll explore why humans insist on wearing shoes that hurt their feet.
Speaking of the intriguing world of fashion, you might be interested in taking a deeper dive into its evolution. Beginning with the basics, explore the multifaceted universality of Fashion throughout history on Wikipedia. Unravel the timeless charm of the Pleated Skirt and understand why this fashion item seems to enjoy a recurrent resurgence. Intrigued by leopard print kitten heels? Discover the history of Animal Print in fashion and learn how it became a statement of style. As for the emergence of leather trench coats reminiscent of ’90s sci-fi films, why not take a leap into the past with this chronicle on the Trench Coat. Stick around and next month, we’ll delve into the baffling phenomenon of uncomfortable footwear – starting with High-heeled shoes.
