Deep in the heart of Norway’s most rugged fjords, where the mountains rise like the jagged teeth of a giant slumbering troll (and possibly are), an event of colossal importance was underway. The Great Troll Strength Contest had begun! Every few decades, the biggest, brawniest, and most ill-tempered trolls gathered to prove who was the strongest of them all.
The prize? Eternal bragging rights and a golden boulder (which, in reality, was just a normal boulder dipped in moose grease for extra shine).
The CompetitorsThis year, the contenders were particularly ferocious:
Grug the Unmovable – A mountain troll with a head so solid that even other trolls avoided headbutting him.
Snorg the Boulder Biter – Famous for his ability to chew through solid rock (though it had left him with one tooth and a lot of headaches).
Helga the Goat Lifter – The only female competitor, who once lifted an entire herd of goats in a single evening (though the goats were deeply unhappy about it).
Bork the Thunderous – Known for his legendary foot-stomps that once caused a small avalanche (and buried his own cave entrance for a month).
Mog the Slightly Confused – No one knew why he was competing. Neither did he.The ChallengesTo determine the strongest troll, a series of rigorous, absolutely nonsensical challenges were devised.
1. The Boulder TossEach troll had to hurl a massive boulder as far as they could. Grug the Unmovable lifted his boulder with ease—but in an attempt to throw it, he instead collapsed under its weight, becoming an immovable part of the landscape. Snorg attempted to bite his boulder before throwing it, which ended in a lot of spitting and complaining about “rock splinters.” Helga managed an impressive toss, but her boulder landed on a group of spectators, who responded with slow, approving nods. Bork’s throw was the farthest—unfortunately, it hit his own cave. Mog, in a baffling move, picked up a much smaller rock and declared himself the winner. The judges were too confused to argue.
2. Tree UprootingThe trolls had to pull a giant pine tree from the ground using only their brute strength. Bork stomped so hard that the tree fell over before he could even touch it. Helga tried lifting two trees at once and was immediately disqualified for “showing off.” Snorg bit his tree in half instead, which technically counted as a success. Grug, who was still stuck under his boulder, was ruled out of the round. Mog, meanwhile, attempted to climb his tree instead of uprooting it and got stuck halfway up. Again, no one was quite sure what to do with him.
3. Bridge SittingA true test of a troll’s endurance is their ability to sit on a bridge and terrorize travelers for as long as possible. Unfortunately, no humans crossed the bridge that day, making it a very boring challenge. Snorg declared himself the winner for “being the most frightening,” despite the fact that he fell asleep ten minutes in. Mog, still stuck in the tree, was again given an honorary mention for no apparent reason.
4. Stump SmashingEach troll had to smash a tree stump using only their fists (or heads, or feet, or whatever body part seemed most appropriate). Helga, still annoyed about being disqualified earlier, punched her stump so hard it disintegrated. Bork stomped on his stump with such force that it went straight through the ground and disappeared. Snorg bit his stump and then spent ten minutes crying about splinters. Grug, still pinned under his boulder, did nothing. Mog walked up to his stump, sat on it, and claimed he had “dominated it with his presence.” The judges, once again, were too bewildered to disagree.
The WinnerAfter much debate (and a long lunch break), the judges huddled together to decide who had won. Each troll had excelled in some way, but also failed in spectacular fashion. After an excruciatingly long discussion, they came to a conclusion: Nobody won.
Or, more accurately, everyone lost in their own unique way.The trolls, however, did not take this well. They immediately started arguing, bickering, and throwing whatever objects were nearby—mostly boulders and unlucky goats. In the chaos, Mog—who had not even realized the contest was over—wandered up to the stage and declared himself the champion. Too exhausted to argue, the judges handed him the golden boulder. He stared at it for a moment before asking, “Why is my dinner covered in moose grease?” Then he promptly took a bite.
And thus, The Great Troll Strength Contest ended in yet another legendary failure. The trolls lumbered back to their caves, already planning for the next contest, where they would once again attempt (and fail) to determine who was truly the strongest among them.And somewhere, deep in the fjords, Grug the Unmovable remained. Still stuck. Still part of the landscape.
Speaking of mythical creatures and the folklore traditions that surround them, you might be keen on immersing yourself more in fascinating tales such as the fictitious Great Troll Strength Contest. For more insights into these enchanted beings, check out this Wikipedia page on Trolls. If you’re interested in learning more about the breathtaking geographical setting of our story, you might want to know about the enchanting and rugged fjords of Norway. Finally, if the character of Grug the Unmovable sparked your interest, familiarize yourself with the diverse types and traits of mountain trolls on this insightful Wikipedia article. It might provide you with extra knowledge to enjoy the captivating world of trolls even more!
