Deep in the misty fjords of Norway, hidden from human eyes, the mighty Troll Kingdom was preparing for its grandest event in a hundred years: The Great Troll Election. Trolls, being creatures of immense wisdom (or so they claimed), believed in democracy—sort of.
Their elections were mostly a grand spectacle where the richest, loudest, and most terrifying trolls fought for control of the kingdom.This year, two candidates had emerged as the strongest contenders: Trøllump the Golden-Haired and Putinsk the Everlasting.
Trøllump the Golden-Haired
Trøllump was known for his extravagant golden mane, his immense wealth, and his ability to speak in circles until his audience was so confused they just assumed he was right. “I’m the best troll,” he would say. “No one trolls like I do. I know the biggest words, the best words. Trust me, folks.
”He had built his fortune by inheriting massive rock caves from his father and then convincing lesser trolls to dig for treasures—without actually paying them. “They should be honored to work for me,” he’d say. “Really, they learn so much just by being in my presence. They should be paying me!”
His campaign promises were simple:Build a giant wall around the Troll Kingdom to keep out the disgusting, smelly humans (despite the fact that trolls hadn’t seen a human in over 300 years).
Cut taxes for the wealthiest trolls because, as he put it, “When the richest trolls get richer, it just magically helps everyone else. It’s called Trøllomics.
”Make Trolling Great Again—which was confusing because nobody was entirely sure when it stopped being great.
Putinsk the Everlasting
Putinsk, on the other hand, had ruled his own private mountain for decades. Unlike Trøllump, who preferred loud speeches and grand promises, Putinsk ruled with a quiet, menacing stare. His followers claimed he never actually lost elections—he just won indefinitely. “If you don’t vote for me, it means you don’t exist anymore,” he’d say with a chuckle that made other trolls shiver.
His policies were straightforward:
Keep himself in power forever (democracy is nice, but stability is better—his stability, to be precise).
Seize the caves of lesser trolls and redistribute them among loyal followers (which somehow always ended up being his richest friends).
Introduce mandatory portrait-hanging laws, requiring all trolls to display at least five portraits of him in their caves at all times.
The Election Process
The trolls gathered at the Great Mud Pit to cast their votes. However, they soon realized that the election process had some… peculiarities.
1. Trøllump claimed that any votes against him were fake. “I mean, really folks, you see these votes? Disgusting. All the votes for me? Perfect. Beautiful. The best votes.”
2. Putinsk mysteriously won all votes in his home region with 129% voter turnout.
3. The ballots were made of very large rocks, so only the strongest trolls could physically lift and place them. Conveniently, the wealthiest trolls had servants to carry the rocks for them.
4. Any trolls who tried to protest were sent to “re-education caves,” where they were taught to love their leader (or at least stop complaining).
The Outcome
In the end, the votes were counted, recounted, then mysteriously adjusted. The official result? A tie.
Trøllump declared, “Folks, I clearly won. Bigly.”
Putinsk smiled and simply said, “Ah, but I never lose.”
As tensions rose, the richest trolls gathered to decide what was best… for them. They ultimately declared that both candidates would rule together—Trøllump would handle public speeches while Putinsk would handle everything else.
Meanwhile, the common trolls—who had hoped for fair wages, better cave conditions, and an end to absurd wealth-hoarding—were left with nothing but more work, fewer rights, and a brand-new tax on their mushroom farms.
And so, the Great Troll Election ended in the way it always had: with the rich getting richer, the powerful getting more powerful, and the regular trolls wondering why they even bothered voting at all.
But don’t worry, folks. Democracy had prevailed… sort of..
Speaking of mythical beings, you might be interested in learning more about Trolls, their origins in Norse mythology, and how their characters have evolved in modern interpretations. Immerse in the folklore of Norway, the country that these fascinating creatures are deeply associated with. Also, gain a deeper understanding of Democracy, a political system our fictional troll kingdom supposedly upholds, sort of. Furthermore, for fans of geopolitical humor, the parallels between our troll characters and the real world may tickle your fancy, so feel free to explore the profiles of renowned world leaders Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin for some additional context.
