March 27, 2025 Edition
By Trollgur Drek, Ancient Fashion Critic and Fjord Philosopher—
Deep in the mossy hollows of Mount Skjeggestein, ancient troll elders gathered ’round the fire this week to cackle heartily at the latest absurdity trickling down from the human world. News reached the caves that once again, surface-dwellers are locked in heated battle over—brace thyselves, dear boulder brethren—what colors and clothes belong to girls or boys.
Yes, truly. In a world where humans have flying machines, pocket-scrying mirrors (you call them “phones”), and little dancing images of cats on said mirrors, they still argue if pink trousers make a boy less of a “man” and if a girl in cargo shorts has “forgotten her gender.”
“Ah yes,” muttered Old Snagglenose, troll elder of the Northern Cliffs, “Nothing says ‘mighty species’ like weeping over shirt shades.”
Let’s be clear, puny people: your own history mocks you. Long before your modern flailing, men strutted around in high heels, powdered wigs, lacey frocks, and tights so tight they squeaked in moonlight. Kings, knights, nobles—all looked like slightly aggressive cupcakes at a royal bake sale.
And pink? Oh, pink was once the chosen color for little boys, seen as a bold, masculine hue. Meanwhile, blue—cool and calming—was for girls. But somewhere along the trail of commercialism and confusion, some marketer (probably named Chad) decided otherwise, and humans have been spiraling ever since.
Trolls, meanwhile, have always been fashion-forward. We wear what’s warm, what doesn’t catch fire easily, and what doesn’t spook the mountain goats. Sometimes that’s a moss-kilt, sometimes it’s a pinecone bra, and once in a while, it’s just a good layer of enchanted mud. We don’t cry if a troll lad wears lavender—we cry if he forgets to oil his battle club. Priorities, yes?
Ho ho! Hearken, puny mortals and wandering tech-seekers! The trolls of the north, with moss in their beards and wisdom in their warts, adore the ETOE Dolphin projector from Geekbuying. Why? Because even deep in our damp mountain caves, it casts bright, mighty visions upon stone walls—clearer than a fjord at sunrise! 'Tis small, swift, and smoother than a mountain goat on skis. Go now, before the other trolls hoard them all like shiny pebbles!
Over the millennia, we’ve seen Viking warriors with braided beards longer than their longships, Roman emperors in glittery togas, and Victorian men with more lace than a bridal shop. No one called them “confused.” They were just cold, fashionable, or attempting to impress someone named Helga.
So here’s a humble message from us mountain-folk to you:
Stop whining about who wears what. Your ancestors wore fancier dresses than your aunts, and your future selves will likely be in full-body climate suits arguing over helmet colors.In conclusion, dear soft-skinned squabblers: wear your pink, your blue, your leopard-print tunics if you must—but for the love of common sense and collapsing glaciers, stop gendering fabrics.
Sincerely,
Trollgur Drek, Keeper of the Rockwardrobe
May your socks always match and your boots never squeak—
Next Week in the Troll Times:
“Humans Pay Real Money for Jeans With Holes? Trolls Baffled by Fashion Masochism”
Speaking of fashion and colors, you might be interested in how historically, pink and blue switched roles regarding gender expectations — check out the insightful article on pink’s gender associations. If you’re curious how commercialism shaped modern perceptions of clothing, delve into the fascinating origins of marketing. And if this humorous troll commentary sparked your curiosity about how attire evolved over centuries, take a peek at the intriguing history of fashion design.
