By Grumthar Boulderquill, Gossip Editor of Anchientnews.com
Oh, he’s back. Again. Allegedly.
Dovegubben—the cryptic, cave-dwelling, possibly-sentient lump of folklore—has once more been “spotted” loitering near the western slopes of Skrotfjell. According to eyewitness accounts (meaning: Snerta Flattoe and her overly imaginative nephew), the ancient recluse was seen shuffling out of a fog bank, muttering something about “no more goat poetry” and clutching what appeared to be a glowing pinecone.
For those unfamiliar (and congratulations on your peaceful ignorance), Dovegubben is the subject of roughly 472 contradictory legends. Some say he’s a disgraced rune-singer cursed to wander the land in itchy trousers. Others claim he’s simply a troll who got lost on his way to the latrine in the Year of the Molten Cheese and never found his way back. Either way, he’s become Trollheim’s favorite scapegoat for everything from sudden mushroom shortages to unusually sentient-looking clouds.
“He had moss in his beard thick enough to nest a raven family,” Snerta told this reporter, unprompted. “And his toenails hummed.”
Naturally, the Trollheim Council of Unsolvable Mysteries (which meets biweekly in the old abandoned turnip cellar) has launched an official investigation. Again. Their previous findings included such riveting conclusions as “Dovegubben is real but also metaphorical,” “Time is a flat rock,” and “We really should’ve brought snacks.”
Skeptics (namely, me) remain unconvinced. Every few winters, someone sees “Dovegubben,” and the local boulder sales spike from panicked trolls reinforcing their cave doors. Coincidence? Perhaps. Or perhaps it’s the same old trickster from the southern ridges—Grof Gloomsnout—pulling another mossy prank with a carved log and a smoke spell.
Regardless, Trollheim’s excitement has once again reached levels not seen since the Great Mudslide of ’42 (a good year for excitement, bad for shins). So if you’re venturing near Skrotfjell, keep your eyes peeled, your goat poems quiet, and your pinecones unglowing.
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And if you do run into Dovegubben, ask him one thing for me: where in the stone-crusted depths did he put my editorial quill? I’ve been missing it since last spring.
More updates as they roll in like confused boulders.
Speaking of mystifying folklores, you might be interested in seeing how similar tales circulate around the globe. Drown into the fascinating lore of the Krampus, a horned figure described in Central and Eastern Alpine folklore who, similarly to our dear Dovegubben, scares villagers during the Christmas season. If you’re more enchanted by the idea of cryptic cave-dwelling creatures, you might find the stories of the Yeti, an ape-like entity claimed to dwell in the Himalayan region, to be right up your cavern. Now, if you were intrigued about the so-called “rune-singer,” you may want to explore the era of the Runic Inscriptions, that opened a new understanding about the northern ancient cultures. Lastly, determined to comprehend more about the realm of the Dovegubben, a.k.a Trollheim – enter the mysterious world of Norse Mythology where Trolls play a significant role.
