Bah! What foolishness is this? Trolls wandering far from Norway’s sturdy cliffs and safe fjords, all to splash about in some foreign puddles? Have they lost their moss-covered minds?
Pamukkale, they say? Feh! White rocks and warm water? We have cold rocks and icy water right here—much better for the bones, toughens a troll up! But no, these dim-witted wanderers pack up and stumble south like lost goats, only to be baffled by sunshine and soft-footed humans. Taking off their shoes? What madness! A troll’s foot should be hardened by years of trudging through snow and gravel, not pampered like some delicate elf!
And what is the point of a home, if you are just going to leave it? We build our caves deep, gather our treasures, find the perfect sleeping ledge—only to abandon it for vacation? Pah! If you are tired, sleep! If you are restless, throw a rock! There is no need for such nonsense as travel.
I tell you, this modern troll behavior is a disgrace. Next thing you know, they’ll be sipping tea with humans and wearing clothes. Mark my words—this only leads to ruin.
Let them soak in their silly pools. When they come crawling back, shivering and sunburnt, I will be right here—where a proper troll belongs.
Harrumph.
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