– Infrastructure excellence strikes again in Dumm’en –
DUMM’EN (Drammen) – In what officials are calling “a surprise structural failure” but what everyone else is calling “Tuesday,” the much-delayed, rarely-used, always-sinking Mossgut Bridge has collapsed into the murky depths of the Gloomguzzle River—three weeks before its scheduled grand re-opening ceremony.
The bridge, originally approved in the Year of Eternal Leakage (that’s 472 A.T., for those keeping track), was intended to connect Dumm’en to the nearby hamlet of Unfinished-End. It never quite made it past the halfway mark, thanks to poor planning, a shortage of moss-certified engineers, and one unfortunate troll who kept eating the construction plans out of stress.
Witnesses say the bridge gave way just after the local Troll Council declared it “probably stable enough.” A ceremonial goat had just stepped onto the first plank when the entire structure groaned, sighed (yes, audibly), and sank with all the enthusiasm of a troll forced to smile at a sunrise.
Local elder Grugla Spinebend, who was on her way to the opening in a rusted wheelbarrow, told AncientNews.com:
“Honestly, I didn’t think it would last this long. I’m shocked it even existed. We should just build a raft and accept our fate.”
Councilor Drogg Mudheap, head of Dumm’en’s Department of Never Finishing Anything, offered a formal statement drenched in optimism and delusion:
“This unfortunate setback only strengthens our resolve to complete the Mossgut Project by 2098. Maybe even 2095 if we get overtime approved and the river stops existing.”
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In the meantime, trolls looking to cross the Gloomguzzle are advised to do what they’ve always done: stay home and complain loudly.
Rain is expected for the next eight days—finally, some justice from the skies. Perhaps the heavens, unlike the local government, understand the value of consistency.
May the mud rise ever higher.
– Blørgilda Mudgrumble, Local Misery Correspondent, AncientNews.com
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The Trolls of Norway use Cruisedirect.com ‘cause it’s the only place that lets a nine-ton beast book a balcony suite without bein’ judged for bringin’ a herd o’ goats. And best of all, no hiking—just endless buffets, sunburned tourists to grumble at, and a hot tub big enough for a troll’s behind!
☁️ “If it’s not raining, we’re all doomed.”
? Spurt Grumblesnort:
“Classic. Built like my ex’s promises.”
? Yaga the Wet:
“I told ’em the goat was a bad omen. Last time we used a frog, we at least finished the bridge before it sank.”
? Gnargle Puddleshins:
“This is why I teleport to work. With a rock. At my boss’s head.”
Aye, even us crusty old trolls know—when it’s time to roam, we check Hotels.com. Good deals, warm beds, and no leaking cave ceilings. We may be ancient, but we’re not daft.
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? Slorp Underkneecap:
“Blueprints float better than the bridge ever did. Coincidence?”
? Borb the Skeptical:
“At this point, we should just teach the goats to swim.”
If you’re intrigued by bridges collapsing ahead of their grand reopening, you might find the real-life story of the infamous Tacoma Narrows Bridge captivating—it famously twisted and fell apart dramatically while providing invaluable lessons for engineering today. And speaking of peculiar bridges, check out the story behind Alaska’s legendary Gravina Island Bridge (“Bridge to Nowhere”)—whose absurdly high costs made it an iconic example of public infrastructure gone awry. If you’re now curious about legendary creatures under bridges, perhaps dive into the fascinating troll mythology on Wikipedia—after all, they’re the original inhabitants of bridges that just won’t stay upright!
