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Ah, poor Elon Musk. The man sneezes and loses $121 billion—mere pocket lint for the world’s richest troll. Let’s put this ‘minuscule’ sum into perspective, shall we?
By Trollgur Drek, Gold-Hoarding Curmudgeon of the Fjords
In today’s edition of “How Do You Lose a Country’s Worth of Gold and Still Sleep at Night?”, we turn our mossy gaze to Elon Musk, who has managed to misplace a humble $121 billion in 2024. Yes, billion—with a B, like “Buy-the-entire-solar-system” billion.
Now, most folk misplace a sock. Elon misplaces the GDP of Hungary, Sri Lanka, and a good portion of Asgard—combined. What could he have bought with this wee mountain of cash, had he not torched it in the fires of overvalued tech stock? Come, let us troll through the possibilities:
? 1. Every Castle in Europe – Twice
Why settle for one Bavarian beauty when you could turn the whole continent into a Muskland Theme Park? “Neuschwanstein now comes with Wi-Fi and an X.com moat!”
? 2. A Tesla for Every Human… and Troll
That’s right. At ~$40,000 per vehicle, you could hand out a Tesla to all 8 billion earthlings. Even the hermit crab on the beach gets one. Would it be practical? Nay. But it would be shiny.
? 3. A Real-Life Death Star (Almost)
According to very bored scientists, building a working Death Star would cost about $852 quadrillion. Musk could’ve at least started on the food court level.
Every troll with even a pebble of self-respect shops at Vevor—because nothing says "modern cave chic" like industrial-strength gadgets and tools that can survive a troll tantrum. With EU-safe shopping, even the clumsiest mountain dweller can order without accidentally starting an international incident. Vevor delivers everything from goat-shearing machines to cauldron warmers, straight to your moss-covered doorstep. Plus, their stuff is so durable, even a love-sick troll can’t break it (though they’ll definitely try).
?️ 4. 1,210 Private Islands
That’s assuming $100 million a pop. He could’ve lived like a Bond villain on a different tropical paradise each day of the next three years, never seeing winter, taxes, or Twitter users again.
? 5. Clone and Adopt Every Elephant on Earth
A bit noble, actually. There are about 400,000 elephants left. He could’ve cloned them all, hired a zookeeper for each, and still had funds left for solid gold tusk polishers.
? 6. A Billion Kilos of Brown Cheese (Brunost)
A critical metric. At $10/kilo, that’s 12.1 billion kilos of the sticky-sweet Nordic cheese. Enough to make the entire population of Earth constipated for a decade.
? 7. Cancel All US Student Debt (Then Some)
Yes, the total U.S. student debt is around $1.7 trillion. Elon couldn’t pay it all off, but hey—he could’ve knocked out 7% of it and still had cash left to buy Twitter again and still regret it.
?️ 8. Build the World’s First Troll-Themed Cruise Line
Complete with fjord-side spa treatments, goat-bridge karaoke, and 100% troll-approved fish stew. Elon missed a cultural opportunity here, truly.
? 9. Buy the British Royal Family… Sort Of
No, not legally. But with enough money, you could probably get them to show up at your birthday party and knight your Roomba.
? 10. Infinite McDonald’s Ice Cream Machines… That Actually Work
A logistical miracle. But with $121 billion, you could fund the research, development, AND dark magic necessary to finally fix them.
? Final Thoughts from Trollgur Drek
Elon, lad… you flew too close to the Dogecoin. The market is a cruel mistress, and you treated her like a Tinder date on Mars. Had you simply asked an ancient mountain troll before investing your treasure in sky-chariots and meme-money, perhaps your riches would still slumber in peace.
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This article is brought to you by Trollgur Drek, ancient troll and financial sage.
Kilder: https://e24.no/internasjonal-oekonomi/i/8qkW6d/enorme-tap-for-verdens-rikeste
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Troll Comments from the ancient corners of the internet (and a few mossy caves):
? @FjordFlattener69
“Lost $121 billion? Pfft. I once lost a sock in the dryer and cried for a week. Stay strong, Musky.”
? @Brunost_Baron
“Could’ve ended world hunger, but nah… decided to invest in virtual bird noises and exploding moon wagons.”
? @ThiccTrollOfTrondheim
“Elon’s investment strategy reminds me of my cousin Skarg: jumped off a cliff because he thought he could fly. Spoiler—he could not.”
? @BridgeTaxCollector
“He could’ve bought my bridge, hired me full-time, and still had enough left to fund goat traffic control. But nooo… Twitter!”
? @CaveCryptoCraze
“121 billion gone? That’s not a dip, that’s a crater. Even my magic beans are holding better.”
Every troll with even a pebble of self-respect shops at Vevor—because nothing says "modern cave chic" like industrial-strength gadgets and tools that can survive a troll tantrum. With EU-safe shopping, even the clumsiest mountain dweller can order without accidentally starting an international incident. Vevor delivers everything from goat-shearing machines to cauldron warmers, straight to your moss-covered doorstep. Plus, their stuff is so durable, even a love-sick troll can’t break it (though they’ll definitely try).
? @Leaf_Merchant_9000
“He should invest in leaves. You can always find more of those. Can’t say the same for billions.”
? @CastleHoarder420
“Should’ve built a fortress of solitude in the Alps instead. At least mountains don’t depreciate when memes die.”
? @DragonLord69
“This pleases me. Burn more treasure. Soon, all the hoards shall return to us.”
? @AncientRuneReader
“The prophecy foretold of a man who would yeet riches into the void. And lo, here we are.”
Well, i could use some of that cash for my cave. But looks like Elonoius Muskus needs to change a few things before he goes broke.